Triple Take #45: How to Speak Confidently to Someone More Senior Than You

Voice Confident's Triple Take - your fortnightly trio of tips!

Key Takeaways on Speaking to Senior People

Don't Let Status Change Your Voice

When we're nervous, we can sound tense, rushed and apologetic. Try to use your usual relaxed speaking tone and give yourself time to speak clearly.

Respect Their Status Without Diminishing Yours

You don't need to make yourself smaller to acknowledge that someone else is more senior. Open, comfortable presence says that you belong in the conversation too.

Remember, It's One Conversation

It's easy to inflate the significance of an interaction with someone senior. Focus less on what could go right or wrong and more on having one useful, human conversation.

Introduction

Your CEO walks over. A senior leader asks what you think. You're suddenly introduced to someone important at an event. And despite being perfectly capable of talking to other people, something changes.

We can give seniority enormous psychological weight. Suddenly we're thinking about making a good impression, saying something intelligent or, perhaps more powerfully, not saying something stupid.

But you don't need to make yourself smaller to acknowledge that someone else is senior to you. This issue is about staying connected to your own voice, presence and confidence so that instead of performing for an important person, you can have a useful conversation with another human being.

Voice: Don't Let Seniority Change How You Sound

Notice what happens to your voice when you speak to someone more senior. Do you suddenly speak faster? Does your pitch rise? Do you become quieter or start adding unnecessary explanations because you're trying to sound impressive?

Take a slow, low breath before you speak and release tension from your jaw and neck. Use your normal, full, resonant tone and articulate clearly. Join your words together rather than delivering them in nervous little bursts, and finish your sentences properly.

Clear beats impressive. You don't need corporate jargon or complicated language to demonstrate your value.

This is something I work on with clients in my programme REAL; often the biggest change comes when they stop trying to sound like someone who deserves to be in the conversation and simply allow their real self and natural authority to come through.

👉 Try this: imagine answering a senior colleague's question. Breathe first, then say one complete sentence slowly and clearly in your normal, full voice.

Presence: Show That You Belong in the Conversation

You can respect someone's seniority without physically shrinking in response to it.

Roll your shoulders back and down, lengthen through the back of your neck and think heart-led; open rather than deferential. Keep your gestures natural and your facial expression engaged. Make comfortable eye contact rather than constantly looking away.

And don't rush to fill silence. If the other person pauses after you've spoken, resist the temptation to assume you've said something wrong and start adding more. They may simply be thinking, so let them.

Your brain may be shouting, "I'm talking to the CEO!", but you're actually communicating with one human being. Look at them, listen to them and respond to them rather than their job title.

👉 Try this: before your next conversation with someone senior, choose one physical intention; open. Let your shoulders, face, hands and eye contact communicate it.

Confidence: It's One Conversation, Not a Career-Defining Moment

It's very common to feel nervous when talking to someone senior. We tend to inflate the stakes; imagining the possibilities if the conversation goes brilliantly or the consequences if it goes badly.

But really, this is one conversation on a much longer journey.

Coming across as comfortable with yourself is often far more powerful than desperately trying to make the perfect impression. You don't need to demonstrate everything you know in one interaction. Listen, contribute something useful and stay connected to the person in front of you.

This is something my clients often find reassuring; your goal isn't to make the senior person think you're extraordinary. It's to show up as the capable, interested and thoughtful person you already are. Don't let your perception of someone's status pull you into performance mode.

👉 Try this: before the conversation, tell yourself, "This is one conversation. I don't need to prove myself; I just need to connect and contribute".

Applying the REAL framework

My group coaching programme is built around my REAL framework, which recognises that the act of speaking is made up of four elements: what we think, how we speak, how we feel and what we say.

REAL stands for:

Ready for connection

Engaging through presence

Anchored in confidence

Leading the conversation

As well as being a holistic framework for the ongoing development of speaking skills and confidence, we can also apply it in the moment to any speaking task, to direct our thoughts, emotions and physical state to support our intentions and give great results!

Let's apply it to this week's challenge - how to speak to someone more senior. If you find yourself in that situation, you might quickly say to yourself:

R - I want to connect, not impress

E - I am open and heart-led

A - I breathe slow and low, I am present

L - I will listen and respond and engage and speak WITH, not at.

The beauty of the framework is that no two people would ever come up with the same four lines, because everyone brings their own stories, beliefs and histories into every situation. What might yours be?

If this helps you, why not consider joining my group programme REAL. Next intake is 28th August. DM me or email hello@voiceconfident.com for details.

FAQs About Speaking to Someone More Senior

Why do I suddenly sound less confident around senior people?

Your brain may attach greater significance to the interaction, increasing your stress response. That can affect breath, pace, pitch and even how much you talk.

How can I stop myself trying too hard to impress them?

Replace "What will they think of me?" with "What can I contribute to this conversation?". It moves your attention away from yourself and towards connection.

What if there's an awkward silence?

Don't automatically fill it. Stay relaxed and let the other person think. Silence isn't evidence that you've said something wrong.

How should I prepare for an unexpected conversation with someone senior?

You don't always need content preparation. Reset your posture, take a slow breath and remind yourself that you're speaking to one person. Respect their seniority without diminishing your own.

Would you like to be a more confident speaker?

Speaking situations, like networking or presenting or speaking to senior leaders, can be much easier than you're currently finding them. Fluent speaking and grounded confidence are SKILLS. If you'd like to spend some time with me working on these skills, check out my REAL Speaker Programme.